Until later, keep getting off!  And take care of each other.

I often gloss over the difference between full-on, sexual contact with someone else and the quiet intensity of kissing (and holding, and nibbling, but nothing more), lightly referencing all of it as simply “making out” to my friends and acquaintances. Erasing the differences, leveling all the sexual contact as merely play. I like play, and I adhere to the liberty of making it so.

But yet, I am reminded lately of the power of the kiss, that singular expression, the limited physical contact that promises so much rich knowledge of a potential new lover while remaining such a tease.

I like power, and strength, and veracity. I bring it to my kiss, and look forward to the charge that moves through my body when I am engaged with lips that bring the intensity to a kiss that is equal to mine. Much to my surprise, then, I recently found myself tangled up in the gentlest kisses I’ve encountered in a good long time. Taken aback by what could only be described as passionate kindness, I reigned in my power and relaxed into sweetness. True and authentic making out. No fuck waiting at the end of our tongues and fingers, no expectations. Just gentle kisses and an occasional soft caress of my face with his palm.

This promises a new adventure. Where might this experience of gentleness take me? What does this kiss foretell about what might happen down the line, when the clothes and the encumbrances come off? I’m thrilled, this evolution. All by merely slowing down.

Evolution… much as this blog seems to be evolving. I admit that I thought of abandoning this project some time ago, but believe that it is worth kindling, rekindling, and continuing to play.

Some women like to wear their lovers’ clothes after sex, but I prefer to wear their smell and their touch for as long as I can. Before I shower, I stand for a few minutes in the bathroom, looking in the mirror. Examining my body to see if there are physical marks from the previous night’s adventure – scratches, rawness, maybe a bruise if there’s been intensity.

I like to wear the memory of an accomplished new lover for long into the day and night after their time in my bed. When I do shower, I like it scalding hot.

I don’t change the sheets right away. I pull the covers back and refit them on the bed as if they were new. I like to run my hands over the mess of the sheets and smooth them back into shape, looking for spots of cum or saliva that might have dried on them. I make the bed like it’s new, tight hospital corners, and then climb into it. I find smells from the previous night’s sex and pull the covers up over my head.

It’s the same bed I always sleep in alone, but I like to feel the difference after I’ve brought a new lover into it.

If I am exhausted and satisfied from my night, I sleep happily and quietly. If I’m satisfied but not exhausted – or merely hungry for more – I let the memory of the previous night guide my hands between my legs and I repeat the prior evening (with or without my own additions) by myself. If I am neither exhausted nor satisfied (in which case I will not be inviting this lover back) I imagine my dirty sheets to be the result of something hot and different, and I give myself entirely over to my imagination.

The pleasure of a new encounter does not end when the encounter ends.

With a new partner, I like to take it slow with restraint. No straps for me right away – I like (and I recommend) working up to full restraints, and allowing time for trust and respect to develop. Not to mention that not all people find that they like their partners bound up, and it’s important to establish that. So I’d recommend some cuffs and, if you’re feeling a little more adventurous, something like a wrist and thigh cuff set. Once again, I have to recommend the Sportsheets thigh and wrist cuff set for durability and comfort.

I recently strapped on this set with a relatively new lover, and I have pretty rave reviews for what it brings to the mix. There’s enough restraint to make you feel bound without the vulnerability of being strapped, and I found that the restraint was really heightened when I was flipped over on my stomach. This set makes for some especially intense oral sex. My partner pulled me to the end of the bed so that my legs were hanging over and I was spread wide with my hands and arms bound to my legs.

For variation, you can always unhook the wrist cuffs from the thigh straps and hook them on to something else, too. We switched to ankle cuffs at one point in time – a great variation – and the wrist cuffs could also be hooked together.

As usual, if you’re going to get in on with restraints in any way, exercise all the basic precautions. And take note: unless you’re into panty-ripping or something crotchless, you’ve pretty much got to strip down with thigh and wrist cuffs. So if you’ve got a hankering for wearing lingerie during restraint, this is probably not your best bet.

However, a sexy pair of knee socks? Well, I’m just going to have to dedicate a whole post to how much I love sexy ankle socks. And, I’m kinda dying to try out some vegan bondage cuffs. I’m not sure I’m all about the actual leather, but I understand the leather appeal…

Pettin’ the Pussy

My right hand is like, well, my right hand. So I’m starting off these masturbation festivities by focusing on even more delightful things we can do for ourselves with our very own fingers. There’s all sorts of awesome things to cuddle the clit and develop more interesting, solo orgasms. Tops on my list:

• Switch up the position. Too much time spent on your back while wackin’ off gets rote – flip over and imagine your partner behind you. Better yet, throw yourself into a comfy chair, spread your legs wide, and have at it. Or lay down on the floor, and let the carpet or hard wood add a level of intensity that a soft bed can’t always offer.
• Keep the undies on. Skin on skin contact is awesome, but rubbing yourself through panties is also hot (especially those silky ones). Lots of different sensations around the clit and the vulva. Highly recommended.
• Use some lube. Get yourself seriously wet. Really wet.
• Watch yourself come. Hey, remember Madonna’s Sex book… the photography book that sparked such a huge controversy in the early nineties? Well, I frankly never thought that book was all that hot – except for one single photo. The photo of Madonna masturbating on a mirror. It was inspirationally hot for me, and made me curious enough to do masturbate while watching, and I’ve loved it ever since. I hope that every woman watches herself getting off once in a while – or all the time, if that’s your thing. Unlike men, we don’t really get to see the goods while we’re masturbating or having sex, and I think that’s a darn shame. My suggestion: pull the mirror off the wall and lay it on the floor and masturbate on top of it, or sit in a comfy chair, throw your legs over the arms or brace them against the wall in front of a floor-length mirror.
• Masturbate in front of your partner. Can’t say it enough: masturbating with your partner is super hot. Try straddling your partner and him or her put their fingers in you while you’re rubbing yourself. Good times all around.
• Take a taste. Do you know what you taste like? If you don’t, then take a lick after you’ve come on your hand. These are the juices that your partner loves – get to know them and love them. I genuinely love the taste of woman, including myself. But I’ve also found that this is guaranteed to drive a partner wild: after they’ve been fingering you for a while, take your partner’s hand, and gently lick his or her fingers.

I’m also all for masturbating in uncommon, naughty places, too. So I’m asking you, fair readers: what’s the craziest place you’ve ever fingered yourself? For me, it’s in my car – while driving. I wouldn’t actually recommend this to anyone – it’s not particularly safe. But it sure is fun…

And the double dare for the week? Masturbation at work! As I honor my commitment to true and honest disclosure on this web site, I’ll take on my own dare and report the indiscretion after the deed is done.

Next week: masturbation in the bath tub for soapy, solo fun!

This is a great article on dirty talk. A couple of things that really impress me about this advice:

• Talking about sex when you’re not having it. Reinforces a great concept: we can increase the quality of our sex with our partners by involving more open discussion of sex AND by increasing sex’s presence in our lives. I have a bottom line about all things sexual: if you can’t talk about it, you shouldn’t be doing it. But I think there’s a great incentive buried in that logic, too. The more you talk about it, the better your sex should be! More comfortable, more adventurous, and more honest. Talking about what you’d like to do even before you start doing it gets the imagination – and the juices – flowing. Talking about sex at completely unexpected times is even better! I love nothing more than a dirty little comment to come my way at an unsolicited time. When that happens, there’s a wonderful coupling of a deep blush and a lot of tingle. (Which makes me wonder, readers, how many of you have ever sent a dirty email or text message to one of your lovers?)

• Thinking about what you like to be called in the bedroom – and finding out what your partner likes, too. It occurred to me while reading this that I really like to be called by my name in the bedroom, and I like the power of calling my partner by his or her name. There’s something very directed and specific about having your lover call your name – it reinforces just how great this particular fuck with you is. I dig that feeling. But I’m open to other pet names in the bedroom, too. I just haven’t tested the boundaries with name-calling yet. I’m curious to find out what I like to be called depending on my mood.

• I love the idea of swapping erotica or watching porn together. And not just watching it in that slightly uncomfortable or giggly mode that people generally do, but actually really talking about what’s going on, what’s hot, and what’s not. What a great way to identify some dirty little phrases (and techniques) that we might not otherwise feel like we can just ask for or blurt out. I, for one, prefer my smut to be pretty literary, so I’m thinking that I might just slip some naughty little stories to my lover with some generous highlighting (and maybe some red pen… hm…perhaps this could lead to a little role-playing…)

Reader bluelotus has generously shared a dirty little ditty with all of us. Feeling inspired? Hope so. Lip Service is a place to share women’s experiences as well our dirty stories – real, imaginary, hilarious, sexy. Or, in the case of this first entry, dreamy erotic fiction. If you’d like to share something, drop me a line at lipservicegrrrl@gmail.com. Your submission will be completely anonymous.

Go ahead. Tell us a story.

A Dream Made Flesh

by bluelotus

I wake up in the middle of the night from an intensely erotic dream. The details have melted away, but I’m totally worked up. My cheeks are burning and I’m breathing heavily. My pussy is already wet. There’s no way I’m going back to sleep.

I can feel his breath, heavy with sleep. With each breath his hard chest presses against my back. I shift gently so that the length of my body is pressed tightly against him. He moans in his sleep and pulls me closer. Every tiny movement of his body against mine is electric. I move my hips just a bit so that my ass is cradling his cock. I rock my hips slowly a couple of times before I feel his dick begin to stiffen.

The muscles in his arm tighten across my belly and we’re fused together. A little moan escapes my lips as his hand slides over my stomach to my tit. I reach behind and slide my hand over his hard cock. He gasps as I lightly circle the tip with my fingers and stroke his shaft down to the base.

He pulls me onto my back and leans over, kissing me urgently. My mind completely dissolves as his tongue darts into my mouth and his fingertips brush my nipple. I wrap my arms and legs around his body and gasp as I feel the tip of his cock push against my clit. I dig my fingers into his ass and pull him into me. He pushes all the way in and it takes my breath away.

He pulls out and plunges back in, faster this time. I reach up and grab the back of his neck to pull him closer. Something changes in his expression and I see a look of shock cross his face as he fully wakes up. He gasps with surprise and his eyes cloud over with as he grabs my hips to pull me up to him. I lock my knees over his shoulders and his cock slams inside me again and again sending darts of fire through my body. I moan and lift my hips to meet him faster and faster. I can’t hold back any longer. I cry out and reach out to hold him inside me as my body shudders and my cunt throbs.

He playfully sways against me, pulling out a little and slowly sliding back inside. His hand strokes the length of my body lightly while the heat builds again. I’m moving up to meet him as he slips in faster and deeper. His breathing gets ragged and I can tell he’s close. I quickly shift onto my belly and he lets out a deep moan as he slides in from behind. He cups my tits and gently pinches my nipples as I rock back on my hands and knees to take him in. He grunts each time he plunges deep into my wetness, pulling me into him faster with each stroke. With a ragged cry, his fingers dig into my hips and he explodes inside me. I hold him inside, squeezing his cock with my cunt.

He collapses on top of me, his sweaty chest heaving against my back and his breath tickling my ear. He kisses my neck and strokes my hair as he catches his breath. He rolls onto his side and I turn to face him. He smiles at me in that devilish way that gives me butterflies, and says that’s the first time he’s ever woken up having sex. He thought he was just having a really great dream. I push my face into his neck and laugh, saying “So did I.”

Lip Service feels pretty strongly about underwear. I think there’s too much thong, not enough commando, an amazing diversity of style and cut to make yourself and your ass feel great, and not enough good, honest conversation about our unmentionables. Hey, join the panty fray.

Puttin’ it out there: Thongs are not really all that sexy

Thongs are the more socially-acceptable clothing cousin of the g-string. Most women are motivated to wear them because they don’t show a pantyline and because thongs have become accepted in our culture as sexiest panty possible. Lip Service takes issue with the de-facto sexy status given to things… I just don’t believe they’re that sexy. That little triangle of fabric covering the pussy is a mere formality – why wear underwear at all? No underwear in a non-sexy context? Now that’s sexy.

Here’s the thing that has really quashed all sexiness out of thongs for me: the fact that it’s become completely okay to put them on public display these days. With the advent of ultra-low-rise pants, it seems you can’t go anywhere when the sun is shining without seeing some teen or adult woman’s thong hanging out. This is NOT sexy, people. This isn’t even a tease: it’s putting your panties on display for an unconsenting (and sometimes very unwilling) audience. This is especially problematic in high schools (if you want to see some grody thong display, just head to your local high school in May…) – and I’ve even seen accidental thong hanging out in business meetings. Most of the kinkiest people I know are typically fairly reserved in public/work spaces and they (we) like it that way. The alter-ego, the secret-sexy, the element of surprise: this is sexy. Public thong is not.

Lip Service is issuing an undie challenge to you thong-wearing ladies: the next time you think about wearing a thong to work because you’re worried about your panty line, don’t wear any undies at all. You’ll have fun knowing that nobody can see your pantyline because you’re not wearing any! Give a knowing wink to a random stranger. Report back after the experience.

New panty cuts: hipster, boy cut shorts, modern briefs

These are all variations on a similar cut: a brief that sits on the hips (or sometimes below) and then covers the whole butt. Some of the boy shorts/modern briefs extend down to the top of the thigh. I have a real love for these undies. I love the fact that there’s more fabric to play with – all sorts of possibilities for color, design and style. As opposed to thongs, where your ass because the main, naked appeal, boy cut shorts give you all sorts of dressing up possibilities. Plus, these are comfy as hell. And, newsflash: depending on the style, many of these cuts don’t show off pantylines (because they’re cut at the leg).

Going all boy-style: boy briefs & boxer briefs for girls

Hot hot hot! I think women in tighty-whiteys can be smokin’ hot. (If you have doubts about this, check out the quick scene in ‘Gia’ in which Angelina Jolie dons a pair of her boyfriend’s underwear.) I love it when women are performatively masculine, and there’s a butch sexiness to boxer briefs for girls that shouldn’t be underestimated in the bedroom. The drawback to this type of undie is that it’s hard to wear on an everyday basis. Boxer briefs are best paired with a pair of awesome jeans and a tight little t-shirt – great for turning on women and men alike.

I should note here that I have a super smart friend who has some cultural and philosophical objections to all this boyification of women’s underwear, and I think they’re worth considering. Her point (to summarize): all this androgyny at the underwear level is part of the fashion pressure to infantilize and de-womanize women. In other words, fashion has been telling us to get skinnier, to look more like pre-adolescent boys, to shave our twats completely – and now they want us to even wear boy’s underwear? It’s a point worth considering, and it’s one that nags at me a bit now even as I celebrate the boy brief.

Let’s not forget: white cotton panties can be really sexy, after all

Because they’re so un-self-conscious, because they take the emphasis off the underwear itself and make you imagine and focus on what’s underneath, cotton bikini panties can be so super sexy. Sure, they’re the stuff of schoolgirl role-play and rightly so: match up a pair of white cotton panties with knee socks and a plaid skirt, and you’ve got a panty pedagogy fantasy happenin’. But even more so – women typically wear this type of underwear because it’s basic and because it’s comfy. Sometimes sexy is just about being natural and comfortable, too.

Finally: sometimes no underwear is the best underwear of all

I like to be naked under my clothes a lot. Big fan.

So tell me, blogeurs: what’s your take on sexy panties?

The Tools

I chose Sportsheets’ Door Jam Cuffs because they manufacture my favorite set of restraint straps. These door jam cuffs are pretty impressive from the get-go: sturdy construction, the flexibility to swap out the cuffs provided for another set, and a good weight. (You don’t want lightweight or flimsy bondage gear if you’re doing more than dabbling – it’ll fall apart in a hurry.) The bonus is that door jam cuffs are super easy to use – just throw them over the door, close it and you’re ready to do. No knots/tying necessary. I also really like that the velcro cuffs provided are so adjustable – I have small wrists, so I need cuffs to go pretty small if I’m going to really feel restrained.

The Experience

I’ve never given standing/wall restraint a chance because I really never thought it would be as much fun as being strapped down/restrained in a prone position. Happy to admit that I was exactly wrong on this point. In fact, this type of restraint offers a really unique experience: because of the standing position and the mobility of my legs, there was all sorts of flexibility in positions and options. With restraint on a bed, it’s very easy to feel the physicality of your partner, sense them near you and anticipate what they’ll do – even blindfolded, you get a sense for where your partner’s body is because your partner is typically on top, or next to you or in close proximity. With standing restraint, there’s a whole new dimension of physical distance. I added a blindfold to the experience and found that there were times I simply couldn’t anticipate what kind of contact my partner was going to offer – if any at all. This type of anticipation/teasing is really much more than I anticipated, and I really got off on it far more than I thought I would at the outset.

If you’ve got a thing for being bound, I’d very enthusiastically recommend a set of door jam cuffs. Of course, the real keys to any good sexual experience are an awesome partner, a sense of enthusiastic willingness, and a commitment to a fucking good time. I can imagine that if you’re doing the same old, same old, wall restraint won’t make much of it. Otherwise, wall restraint is an excellent opportunity to try out some power games, to make your partner beg for your touch, and try out some wicked positions.

Tips for Good Times

All basic bondage safety precautions apply. Pay extra attention to your bound partner – having the arms restrained over the head means that circulation/stamina can be an issue. Don’t cuff too tight or you’ll be in for more breaks.

These cuffs require a strong door and sturdy construction! At several times, I was supporting most of my weight with the door. Make sure you’re not ripping the door off its hinges (I did, in fact, inadvertently do some damage to the door hinges) and the more pulling and thrashing you’re doing on the straps, the more likely you are to be kissing your security deposit goodbye. I’d also recommend putting the cuffs on the side of the door that presses against the door frame (so you’re not pulling the door out of the jam).

Finally, depending on your height or the height of the door, shoes might be a good option for this type of play. I wore platform Mary Janes and they were perfect. Have a few extra inches made the restraint more comfortable for me, took some pressure off of my arms and wrists, and gave me more flexibility with positions. And, of course, sexy knee socks and platform Mary Janes ALWAYS add a lot to any experience.